Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
