I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
