She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
