tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
