We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
