Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
