If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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