So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
