With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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