I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
