adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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