Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
