dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
