Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
