I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I believe in your delicious
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
