You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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