hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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