Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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