im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
