Soap is not a condiment
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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