R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
