Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
