Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
