Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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