just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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