we're chasing vodka with high fives
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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