Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
