just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
