is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
