couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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