New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
