K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
