he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
