U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
