Green mimosas i think yes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My vagina just clenched in fear
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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