We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
