she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
