K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
