We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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