Apparently you make a good broom.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
