I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
