.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
