Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
