Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
