I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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