that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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