the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
