are you still at the devil's house?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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