My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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