Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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